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HEAVEN — Hoping to make their home more inclusive for souls who enter, a group of angels set out to replace the longstanding Stairway to Heaven with a fully refurbished elevator. Angels Jedediah and Ruth are the founders of the Angel Accessibility Committee, which was created to ensure that Heaven complied with ADA standards.
“We realized how far behind we were as soon as we formed this committee,” Jedediah told reporters via an eagle messenger. “We had countless residents complain about transportation issues they experienced getting from one part of paradise to another. Wheelchair users and blind residents especially had difficulty getting across the ocean. Even up here, we still don’t have airplanes that accommodate wheelchairs. Thankfully, our committee is working to address this issue with afterlife lawmakers.”
Jedediah said the biggest accessibility problem was that so many disabled residents had trouble just getting to the pearly gates in the first place. He and Ruth knew they had to do something about the infamous stairway.
Established in 3,500,000,000 B.C.E., the Stairway to Heaven was created with the knowledge that it would eventually become the subject of an iconic Led Zeppelin song of the same name. However, accessibility wasn’t a priority in those days for the architects who built it.
Today, with a progressive leadership team and more resources, the various angel subcommittees are working together to create a more inclusive atmosphere. Replacing the outdated stairway with a functional elevator marked the first step in this process.
“It’s really encouraging to see more people who I used to know in my previous life get here without any issues,” said Shilpa Patel, a Heavenly resident who used to be an accessibility coordinator on Earth.
Jedediah said the accessibility committee has many other plans to make Heaven more welcoming to disabled residents.
“Assuming there’s room in the budget and we get approval, we want to provide every wheelchair user with a jetpack so they can easily fly through the clouds at their leisure,” he said. “Cloud-hopping is one of our favorite activities here, and we don’t want anyone to be left out of participating.”
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You may have read the recent article in Disability News Service and we’ve also been contacted by others having problems with renewing their Access tomore
From being a child actor to a lawyer in the entertainment industry, Alexa Dectis, who has relied on a power wheelchair to get around sincemore
Millennials are one of the most underpaid, overworked generations in history, a situation made even worse if you’re disabled. But there’s hope on the horizon! Hundreds of disabled millennials have made their own opportunities by taking to the high seas in a new-age pirate fleet.
“Piracy has always been so welcoming to disabled workers,” said Marina Lamb, Rear Admiral of the fleet. “The eye patches are now a fashion statement, the peg legs are all titanium and the sea shanties are far less problematic. But we’re embracing that inclusive spirit.” Despite the inclusive work environment, the daily grind of piracy remains unchanged. “We mostly raid COVID-infested cruise liners and billionaires’ yachts. British fishing vessels too, although the only thing you can really plunder from them is a sense of post-imperial ennui.”
But Lamb hasn’t just made the applications process less discriminatory, she also runs a fleet with far better working conditions. “It’s not about what I can’t do anymore, it’s about what I can do,” one disabled able seaman told us. “In my last job, they’d constantly question my ability to swing a cutlass or fire a cannon. Not here. Applebee’s just didn’t value those skills.”
Lamb prides herself on tailoring every job role to each individual crew member. “Our deaf crew have no complaints operating the cannons, and our soldiering amputees are just glad they have fewer limbs to lose. All of our officers are wheelchair users, which is great. Leadership roles require a lot of sitting on your arse.”
The pay is good too, as one midshipman told us. “We get an equal share in any plundered booty. When I was waiting tables, my boss didn’t even let us keep our tips! It’s a bit inconvenient having to bury our earnings only to track them back down months later with a labyrinthine treasure map. Still, it’s easier than getting support from SSDI.”
But not everyone is championing the marauding pirate fleet as a win for disabled rights. A crowd gathered in Trafalgar Square this week to protest Lamb’s extralegal enterprise. “It looks proper fun and I am fuming!” one protester told us. “Seamanship is for hard-working patriotic types, like … like Lord Nelson!” he said, pointing up at the admiral’s statue. It was only after we pointed out the statue’s blind eye and missing arm that he responded with a quiet “Oh. Oh no.”
The post Disabled Millennials Find Accessible Careers in Pirate Fleet appeared first on The Squeaky Wheel.more
By Linda Burnip, based on an article from i paper https://inews.co.uk/news/politics/queens-speech-explained-the-38-new-laws-announced-and-what-they-would-mean-for-you-1620913 Boris Johnson’s government has put forward a legislative programme of 38 bills in themore